I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
