it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
