It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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