i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
