mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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