he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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