4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We won't sleep together?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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