Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
