I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
