Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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