she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
