if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
