He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
