mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize