My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
high people should be assigned attendants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
