I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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