he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
This toilet bowl is my home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
