they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
