I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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