At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize