just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
