yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
