i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
