I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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