At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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