There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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