I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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