he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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