I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
