So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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