Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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