What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
