yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He shit in the fireplace
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
