Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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