I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
