She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
