why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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