dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
