you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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