I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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