Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
