I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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