why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How external is "for external use only"?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
