i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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