i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
