Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize