I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
