You're so nebulous sometimes
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
