Your tits are I can't wait for
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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