"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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