Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
