the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
