It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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