since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
