The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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