I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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