I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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