god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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