She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
