So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
