I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
