i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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