It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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