Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You ruined the universe
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
