PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
