I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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