I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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