Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
