Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Send help, water and tortillas.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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