Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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