why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
