Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
