It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
