no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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