after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
