party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
