she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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