Soap is not a condiment
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
