Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
