We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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