Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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