She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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