thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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